Revenge of the Upside Down Clown

This week all three posts will feature that highly anticipated time at the end of each school year when we get to sign each others crack yearbooks. This event is rivaled only by the receiving of the yearbooks themselves. The next best thing to cracking open that brand new photo directory of classmates and taking that first whiff of the fresh, glossy pages is giving your peers the privilege of writing in it.

This first post is a playful poke at our friend Serena Koon (I have her permission to do this and the remainder of this post comes complete with a double coat of sarcasm). You see, for the past two decades as I've recalled and recounted all the wonderful school memories tucked away in my simple little mind, there was always something lurking in the shadowy corner. What was this dark mystery hiding in the cleft of my mind - or was "it" a "who"? Who could still be haunting me & taunting me like a schoolyard bully even twenty years later? Well, the answer to these questions has been revealed - yea, even documented in the annuals of history... our yearbooks. The evidence I have is as plain as words on a page. Read on.

Just take a gander at the verbal assaults below - beginning in the 2nd grade for crying out loud - and tell me if any decent human being is deserving of such ill-treatment.

You see that it starts out cute, playing the ole "upside down clown" card. But notice the subtle twist - this clown doesn't just sign upside down - but BACKWARDS TOO! I had to get out my pocket mirror to verify the signature... and sure enough, it was Serena Koon. What could this mean? Upside down? Backwards?

Then... the clown strikes again (see below). Same page. Same pen (not supposed to have pens in Mrs. Thompson's class!). Same clown. Same vertical orientation. Same horizontal reversal. I'm sure that something's going on here. This is second grade insanity.

The disoriented clown laid low for a few years, but in 1980 she struck again. And, as before, ever... so... subtle. Notice the underlined word "nice" in the image below. And notice the parenthetical laughter - HYSTERICAL parenthetical laughter. Everyone knows how to decode this: underlined word goes with parenthetical remark - easy. It's the LOL version of the grade school yearbook. And LOL she did - about me being "nice."

Childish flirting? No way. She's moving in for the kill.

The year is now 1983. Put on your CSI cap and just let the evidence do the talking. My investigation of the image below produces the following observations:

1. Clue: Cursive writing. Meaning: Intimidation.
2. Clue: Red ink. Meaning: One word. Blood. I'm really feeling threatened now.
3. Clue: Parenthesis right off the bat. Meaning: It's like the viewer discretion warning at the beginning of a television show - you just know something bad is gonna happen.

4. Clue: Sarcasm. Meaning: Just another way to toy with my mind. Is she serious? Is she lying? Are those question marks or exclamation points? Is she really "kidin"? Does she really not know that you double the final consonant when you add "ing"?

This next and final piece of evidence that seals the case against this mental tormentor is nothing less than a roller coaster ride of tricks and taunts that are only meant to play with my esteem like a yo-yo. Again, I observe:

1. After 10 years of knowing each other, she immediately strikes down my significance and deflates my ego by misspelling my name. Granted, this is before the age of "spellcheck", but that's still no excuse.
2. The flow of this, her longest yearbook contribution, is a poetic and rhythmic assault against any shred of dignity I might have left. See the repetition: NOT, NOT, NOT. This really stings.
3. Three opinions are expressed here as facts: 1. I'm not nice, 2. I'm not a stud, and 3. I'll need luck with the girls. I beg to differ. I think after 13 years of marriage and four children this can be easily refuted. However, to be fair, back in 1985 I was a far cry from the typical boy favorite.

If you've enjoyed this, why not pull out your old yearbooks and read all the silly & sweet things that your friends wrote to you way back when. And, many thanks to my friend Serena for being a good sport.

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We are the World

This little musical artifact won't fetch much on Ebay even after MJ's sudden death, but I'm still glad my wife held on to her cassette copy of USA for Africa's "We Are the World".

Unfold the insert and you're tempted with several opportunities to feed the hungry in Africa while sporting the current 80's fashions.

click to enlarge

Now, don't try to read the small print above, because I found a fun way to find out who all participated in this historic event... I'll show you at the end of this post. For now, below is the article I teased some time ago from the March 14, 1983 edition of Rolling Stone. This is a brief yet insightful write up about how "We Are the World" came to be. Click either image to enlarge & read.

Interesting, huh? Prince - hmphh! Who needs him anyway?! So, back to the album art. Take a look at the group shot below and try to identify some of the artists at this interactive guessing game.

Now, sit back, pretend like you've just tuned in to Friday Night Videos and enjoy the song.

Related links:

Wikipedia entry for "We Are the World"
Scripted lyrics for "We Are the World"

One of the great movies from our teen years (before we became too cool) had to be Spielberg's "The Goonies." LOTR's Sean Austin, Corey Feldman and Docka Jones' Asian sidekick were all a part of this cult classic.

Recently a guy I work with told me about a documentary that a couple of his friends were doing that was really gaining some popularity - even from the original cast. Visit http://www.thegoonies.org/ to check it out, including this exclusive interview with Chunk recalling some of the perks of being a Goonie, even one-upping Rick Shroeder at an MJ concert.

Oh, and here's a seperate website that shows then & now pics of the Goonies.