By Todd Murray
(Scripture Readings: I Samuel 15, Proverbs 29:25, Galatians 1:6-10, John 12:37-43)
As the above scriptures demonstrate, the Bible is full of examples of men and women who sinfully feared people more than they feared God: Abraham before Pharaoh, King Saul before the nation of Israel, the Pharisees of Jesus’ day before the leader’s of the synagogue, Peter before his accusers, just to name a few. With characteristic spiritual candor, Newton freely confesses his own battle with fear of man in the two readings below.
In this excerpt from his autobiography, Newton addresses the fear of man that plagued him as a new believer and newlywed husband. Since he was still a merchant sailor by vocation, he and Mary (his childhood sweetheart, whom he called “Polly”) were required to endure many months of lonely separation from one another. The couple kept up their relationship as best they could by faithfully writing letters – letters that must have seemed to take forever to cross the vast Atlantic Ocean that separated the young couple. At one point, a group of Mary’s letters were accidentally forwarded to the wrong destination and missed Newton altogether. Since he had not heard from her for so many months, Newton was convinced that she was dead. Here, Newton expresses the deep remorse that he had allowed his fear of man to affect his young marriage:
“…in the interval between my first and second voyage after my marriage, I began to keep a sort of diary, a practice which I have found of great use. I had, in this interval, repeated proofs of the ingratitude and evil of my heart. A life of ease, in the midst of my friends, and the full satisfaction of my wishes, was not favourable to the progress of grace, and afforded cause of daily humiliation…. I was likewise greatly hindered by a cowardly reserved spirit; I was afraid of being thought precise; and, though I could not live without prayer, I durst not propose it, even to my wife, till she herself first put me upon it; so far was I from those expressions of zeal and love which seemed so suitable to the case of one who has had much forgiven…. I thought my unfaithfulness to God had deprived me of her, especially my backwardness in speaking of spiritual things, which I could hardly attempt even to her.”
(from Newton’s autobiography, “An Authentic Narrative”, Letter 12)
Shortly after Mary’s death, as a tribute to their forty years of marriage, Newton published a group of the letters he had written to his dear wife while he was overseas. Since it was quite common in his day to see the publication of the letters of yet unmarried lovers, Newton proved that married couples’ love could be even more profound. They are included in the “The Works of John Newton”, Volume 5, “Letters to a Wife.”
The hymn that follows was as written by a more mature Newton, no longer a sailor, but rather the Reverend John Newton, Curate (Assistant Pastor) of the village of Olney. The temptation to fear man had not disappeared altogether, but shifted from the intimacy of marriage to the public proclamation of the gospel to a Christ-rejecting world. All of us can relate to Newton’s confession that at times when he should have boldly spoken a word for Christ, he found that his heart “throbbed with shame.” How wonderful that the hymn ends with the reminder that our gracious God does not immediately reject such cowardly children from his sight!
Is This Thy Kindness to Thy Friend?
Written for a sermon on II Samuel 16:17
Poor, weak, and worthless tho’ I am,
I have a rich almighty friend;
JESUS, the Saviour, is his name,
He freely loves, and without end.
He ransom’d me from hell with blood,
And by his pow’r my foes controll’d;
He found me, wand’ring far from GOD,
And brought me to his chosen fold.
He cheers my heart, my wants supplies,
And says that I shall shortly be
Enthron’d with him above the skies,
Oh! what a friend is CHRIST to me.
But, ah! my inmost spirit mourns,
And well my eyes with tears may swim,
To think of my perverse returns;
I’ve been a faithless friend to him.
Often my gracious Friend I grieve,
Neglect, distrust, and disobey,
And often Satan’s lies believe,
Sooner than all my Friend can say.
He bids me always freely come,
And promises whate’er I ask:
But I am straitned, cold and dumb,
And count my privilege a task.
Before the world that hates his course,
My treach’rous heart has throbb’d with shame;
Loth to forego the world’s applause,
I hardly dare avow his name.
Sure were not I most vile and base,
I could not thus my friend requite!
And were not he the GOD of grace,
He’d frown and spurn me from his sight.
(Olney Hymns: Book 1, Hymn 30.)
“The fear of man brings a snare, but he who trusts in the LORD will be exalted”
Proverbs 29:25
." LOTR's Sean Austin, Corey Feldman and Docka Jones' 
